Police in Washington, DC released a statement today advising the public of "a public safety" concern and outlining steps that are being taken to mitigate damage.  

When reached for interview Chief of Police Ted Anderson explained, "We had seen a bit of a crime wave in close proximity to the capital.  We mobilized resources and were able to ascertain the crime wave was localized, coming from within the white house.  Due to justice department guidelines, we're not able to enforce any laws on these premises."

Scene of crime spreeThe captain said several steps are being taken to contain the issue.  The white house fence, which currently stands at 8 feet, will be replaced with a 13 foot one to help contain the risk to the public.  Gates will be locked from the outside, so as not to allow the public to come into harms way.  

According to Anderson, some low level white house staffers have been brought onto the effort to contain what he termed a "menace".  When pressed for criminal actions that the occupant or occupants had been accused of, he listed "Grand larceny, fraud, tax fraud, sexual assault, campaign finance violations, witness tampering, obstruction of justice" and added "this is by no means a complete list."

Staffers inside the compound had resorted to distraction tactics to try to contain the problem.  Said one staffer speaking of one of the suspects, "he'll say he's going to play golf and start to leave and we'll say 'sir you just got back from playing golf.'  He'll look confused and sit down and we'll follow it up with, 'look sir, Hannity is on!'"

When asked of Anderson whether these public safety measures would contain the threat, he admitted "I just don't know.'  He said further more radical measures were being considered, such as providing unlimited high-cholesterol fried chicken to the White House in hopes nature might provide a "quiet, painless" solution to the problem.  He said in the mean time the public should be on guard, and not believe anything on Foxnews.

A family of ground squirrels contributed to this report.

Sat, 05/25/2019 - 13:43
By Jonesy

For decades more information will be coming out concerning Trump's illicit conduct from a variety of sources that have their hands tied right now.



Wed, 05/15/2019 - 12:58

Donald Trump has been fond of reminding his followers that he's really really wealthy.  In fact his wealth has been presented as his success as a businessman and indeed as a person.  Despite this assurances that he is "really really rich" he's steadfastly refused to release recent tax returns that would allow his claim to be judged.  

Recent analysis by Bloomberg has put Trump's net worth about 2.8 billion.  Considering what we know about what Trump inherited if he had simply put his money in an index fund like the S&P he would we worth a whopping 13 billion.  Ergo for all his "deals", schemes, and scams he's about 10 billion poorer than if he had done absolutely nothing with his money but invest it.  Very stable genius, indeed.

Thu, 04/11/2019 - 15:42

Republicans danced in the streets, on their farms, and on Wall Street Tuesday, as the Mueller report revealed special council Robert Mueller had vindicated Trump, ruling that his conspiracy and collusion had no written contract and thus was too intangible to be criminally actionable.  While special council Mueller did find 745 contacts with Russia that the Trump campaign had lied about, there was nothing agreed upon in writing that could be brought before a jury.  The closest thing found was a picture of Putin and Trump holding up a sign that said "drop sanctions in exchange for a half billion dollar tower deal" signed by Putin and Trump, but Mueller lamented there was no notary line or notary signature.  Indeed the crucial step of having a notary present seems to have been completely skipped.  And although likenesses of Don Jr, Ivanka, Kuschner, and other Trump campaigners appeared in the background, no signature or personal testimony confirmed it was actually them.  "It could have been a hologram," lamented Mueller.

With his new found vindication, Trump seemed energized and invigorated to make America greater than he already had.  He immediately lifted the remaining sanctions on Russia, having previously lifted some but not all.  He immediately announced an executive order to give nuclear weapons to Saudi Arabia and Qatar, and declared that gays would not only be excluded from the military but from post offices, DMV's, and other government agencies.  

Said farmer Tim Daniels in Iowa who had been reeling from the recent trade spat with China, "at last we have a president who truly cares about making America great!"  He then asked this reporter and also our cameraman if we would like to buy any soybeans, of which we immediately purchased $5 between us.

Tue, 03/26/2019 - 22:42

44 year old programmer Ted Jones of Des Moines, Iowa wins the 2019 Microsoft feature finder grand prize.  

Redmond, WA -- An exhubilant Ted Jones celebrating the 2019 Microsoft Windows Feature Finder contest.  Ted Jones credited the win to training, mental stamina, and of course, "God almighty who helped me pull through in the end."

The contest, first conceived of in 1996, in Microsoft's words, "give users a fun and adventurous way to get to know the latest version or revision of the ubiquitous Microsoft Windows operating system.  

Microsoft's engineers routinely release new updates of their operating system, and routinely, almost compulsively, move frequently used features and options to novel and "interesting" places.  

The grand challenge in the 2019's "Originative Edition" version of Windows 10 moved the screen resolution options to an especially creative and challenging place.  Mr. Jones was the first to discover the location these options location and thus the first to be able to enable 4k resolution in this itteration of windows 10.   

"I'd spent months at lowly 1280x720, searching high and low, knowing that Microsoft had moved this option to a fun and intriguing location, one that had baffled my peers and parents alike.  As would luck would have it, one day I sneezed and the touch screen felt the moisture on the background image that ships with the operating system."  The rest, was history.

Turns out a subtle up to down motion on a broken window in the stock graphic of a broken down factory triggered this option screen and the ability to change resolutions.  "I immediately called my wife, Honey you won't f***ing believe it, I found the screen res option!!"

Engineer Stan Wheeler in Redmond confirmed the win, "this was indeed the only way to change this option.  We congratulate Mr. Jones for unlocking this option for himself, and indeed for mankind."

While most were excited on the discovery, some technology advocates were less enthusiastic.  Says Juan Adams of the Technology Research Council, "it's f**king stupid for Microsoft to change the location of options in every f***king version and to disable old ways to access those options.  Are they f**king high?  Are they sociopaths?"  Juan elaborated further on his feelings for the people that in his words "routinely make hairbrained design decisions designed to frustrate, annoy, and confuse users, young and old."

The winner of the 2018 Feature Finder grand prize said he disagreed.  "It made me an instant star, especially with the women," says Jim Quentin.  Jim was famous for finding the volume controls in the 2018 release of windows 10.  That feature could only be activated by mashing the keyboard with an open fist and doing clockwise motions for volume up, counter-clockwise for volume down. 

Engineer Stan wheeled added, "I personally designed last year's challenge.  The other engineers loved it and I think most people probably did too.  One of the other guys said we should do counter clockwise for volume up, but I pointed out that would be illogical, and we're nothing if not logical at Microsoft."

A passing flock of seagulls contributed to this report.


Tue, 02/19/2019 - 03:00
By JimTheScienceGuy
Sat, 09/30/2017 - 22:29

Can humans live to 175 years old with technologies and treatments that have become available in the last 3 years?

If you were a healthy human that would have lived 90 years without implementing these 3 discoveries, implementing all of them at birth would give you a 175 year lifespan.

The following studies were published in major peer-reviewed journals and demonstrated ability to affect dramatic improvements in the health,strength, and lifespans of mice.  All three of these findings were reported far and wide across scientific and medical journals (links below).

1) Scientists find that administering the new form of Vitamin B3 called Nicotinamide Riboside significantly improved levels of "NAD+" [and improved lifespan and health in animals]

The oxidized form of cellular nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NAD+) is critical for mitochondrial function, and its supplementation can lead to increased longevity. Zhang et al. found that feeding the NAD+ precursor nicotinamide riboside (NR) to aging mice protected them from muscle degeneration (see the Perspective by Guarente). NR treatment enhanced muscle function and also protected mice from the loss of muscle stem cells. The treatment was similarly protective of neural and melanocyte stem cells, which may have contributed to the extended life span of the NR-treated animals.


Link 2: https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms12948

Link 3: http://observer.com/2017/07/elysium-health-basis-nad-supplement/  This Bio-Hacking Anti-Aging Product Has a Unique Cult Following: Doctors

Link 4: https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms12948  Nicotinamide riboside is uniquely and orally bioavailable in mice and humans

Link 5: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/04/160428152124.htm  Vitamin stops the aging process of organs -- Nicotinamide riboside rejuvenates stem cells, allowing better regeneration processes in aged mice

2) Hypothalamic Stem Cells Control Aging in Mice link

In a study in mice, a research team at Albert Einstein College of Medicine has found that stem cells in the hypothalamus, a region of the brain that controls an immense number of bodily functions, govern how fast aging occurs in the body.
This treatment significantly slowed aging in both groups of animals as measured by tissue analysis and behavioral testing that involved assessing changes in the animals’ muscle endurance, coordination, social behavior and cognitive ability.

also at:

Link 2: http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v548/n7665/full/nature23282.html  Hypothalamic stem cells control ageing speed partly through exosomal miRNAs

Link 3: https://singularityhub.com/2017/08/06/these-stem-cells-are-key-to-controlling-aging/  Breakthrough Stem Cell Study Offers New Clues to Reversing Aging

Link 4: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/reverse-ageing-stem-cells-brain-hypothalamus-slow-extend-human-lifespan-dongsheng-cai-albert-a7861746.html  Stem cells in brain located by scientists could help reverse ageing process

Link 5: https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/07/neural-stem-cells-linked-to-maintenance-of-youth/  Specific area of the brain helps keep the body young -- Your hypothalamus might be the actual fountain of youth.

3) Promising New Therapy Extends Lifespans of Mice by 35 Percent

Link 1: http://gizmodo.com/promising-new-therapy-extends-lifespans-of-mice-by-35-p-1757078340

With this in mind, researchers at the Mayo Clinic found a way to destroy these worn-out cells in normal mice, extending their lifespan by as much as 25 to 35 percent. Excitingly, this aging process applies to humans as well, giving hope to potential life-extending therapies. The details of this work can now be found in the latest edition of Nature.
The problem with senescent cells is at least twofold. First, their inability to divide properly means they’re no longer contributing to the growth of healthy tissue. Second, these stressed-out cells pollute the body, damaging healthy cells nearby. The result is chronic inflammation, which is closely linked to frailty and other age-related diseases. Tellingly, the accumulation of abnormal amounts of senescent cells tends to happen where disease occurs, including in our lungs, joints, and arteries.

Link 2: https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/02/clearing-retired-cells-extends-life/459723/ Clearing the Body's Retired Cells Slows Aging and Extends Life -- A series of experiments in mice has led to what some are calling “one of the more important aging discoveries ever."

Link 3: https://www.technologyreview.com/s/600705/in-new-anti-aging-strategy-clearing-out-old-cells-increases-life-span-of-mice-by-25-percent/  In New Anti-Aging Strategy, Clearing Out Old Cells Increases Life Span of Mice by 25 Percent -- As we get older, some of our cells stop dividing. Are these derelicts a reason we age?

Link 4: http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a19277/scientists-can-now-radically-expand-the-lifespan-of-mice-are-humans-next/   Scientists Can Now Radically Expand the Lifespan of Mice—and Humans May Be Next | Medical researchers at Mayo Clinic have made this decade's biggest breakthrough in understanding the complex world of physical aging.

Link 5: http://www.newsweek.com/scientists-extend-life-35-percent-mice-clearing-cellular-litter-422703  SCIENTISTS EXTEND LIFE BY 35 PERCENT IN MICE BY CLEARING CELLULAR ‘LITTER’


Wed, 08/09/2017 - 14:54

When the government chooses to privatize a government function or policy initiative, two lifelong proponents of that policy are created.  The company that is now profiting from that policy, and the politicians that receive kickbacks from that company.  Developing

Tue, 08/08/2017 - 00:52

Via Business Insider

Tue, 06/13/2017 - 10:31


Tue, 04/25/2017 - 05:32

Attention: The following jobs are being automated and discontinued.  A reminder that even as these jobs expire and are no longer available it is your responsibility to find gainful income.  It is illegal to be in public places at night.  It is illegal to be homeless.  Violators will be prosecuted.  

The following jobs have been discontinued and take over by robots: Cab drivers, uber drivers, truck drivers, agricultural drivers, agricultural workers, employees of manufacturing, restaurant workers, janitors and maintenance workers, forestry workers, construction workers, delivery drivers, travel agents, printing/publishing operators, translators and communications specialists, projectionists, postal workers, parking enforcement personnel, telephone operators and telecommunication employees, soldiers and military personnel, mechanics and repair technicians, more...

This list will be updated regularly as your job is eliminated and you become a burden to the planet.  Get a job hippie.  If your job is as a farmer or another job that is being elminiated, why not go into a high demand field, such as software engineer? 


Tue, 04/25/2017 - 03:52

Pizza Hut Sales Vs. Domino'sPizza Hut changed their crust in 2008 to among other changes remove lard after being sued because their "Veggie Lover's" pizza was not actually vegetarian.  Their sales have since floundered.  

Dominos, after their CEO publicly admitted their crust wasn't great underwent a highly publicized revamp of their crust.  Now they sell Dominos crust next to cigarettes at most convenient stores.

Tue, 04/25/2017 - 03:51

President Trump describes his successful year long battle to break his MSNBC addiction:

TRUIMP: I don't watch MSNBC. I don't watch it. Now I heard yesterday that MSNBC, you know, they tell me what's going on.

AP: Right.

TRUMP: In fact, they also did. I never thought I had the ability to not watch. Like, people think I watch (MSNBC's) “Morning Joe.” I don't watch “Morning Joe.” I never thought I had the ability to, and who used to treat me great by the way, when I played the game. I never thought I had the ability to not watch what is unpleasant, if it's about me. Or pleasant. But when I see it's such false reporting and such bad reporting and false reporting that I've developed an ability that I never thought I had. I don't watch things that are unpleasant. I just don't watch them.

AP: And do you feel like that's, that's because of the office that you now occupy —


AP: That you've made that change?

TRUMP: I don't know why it is, but I've developed that ability, and it's happened over the last, over the last year.

Tue, 04/25/2017 - 03:51

Emerging scientific consensus finds life of all types thrives when naturally occuring Deuterium Oxide is removed at the molecular level: See this recent meta-analysis of peer reviewed studies (quoted below) on Deuterium-depleted water(DDW)/"Light water" comparing it to normal planet-wide water that has Deuterium Oxide at ~150 parts per million:

Biological effects of DDW

Contrary to D2O, water with the reduced deuterium content (deuterium depleted water, DDW) exerts a positive effect on metabolism. Experiments on animals [21] demonstrated that at the consumption of water with decreased content of deuterium pigs, rats and mice provide a larger number of offspring, upkeep of poultry from 6 day old to puberty on DDW leads to the accelerated development of reproductive organs (size and weight) and strengthen the process of spermatogenesis, egg laying by hens is increased by almost half, wheat ripens earlier and gives higher yields. DDW delays the appearance of the first metastasis nodules on the spot of inoculation of cervical cancer, and exerts immunomodulatory and radioprotective effect [22].

Radioprotective effects of DDW were studied by W. Bild [23], V.S. Turusov [24] and D.V. Rakov [25] at irradiation of mice’s cells by -radiation at semimortal dose LD50. Survival level of animals treated with deuterium depleted water for 15 days prior to -radiation, was 2,5-fold higher than in control group (dose of 850 R). The surviving experimental group of mice has the number of leukocytes and erythrocytes in the blood remained within the normal range, while in the control group the number of leukocytes and erythrocytes was significantly decreased.

Consumption of DDW by cancer patients during or after radiation therapy treatments allows restore the composition of blood and relieve nausea [26]. According to G. Shomlai, the results of clinical trials with DDW conducted in 1998–2010 in Hungary showed that the survival rate for patients drinking DDW in combination with traditional therapies was significantly higher than for patients who only were treated with chemotherapy or radiation therapy [27].

Turtle turtlin' on DDW

Biological experiments with DDW carried out in Moscow Research Oncological Institute after P.A. Herzen and N.N. Blokhin with Institute of Biomedical Problems [28, 29], confirmed the inhibitory effects of deuterium depleted water on the process of growth of various tumors, i.g. division of breast adenocarcinoma MCF-7 tumor cells being placed in deuterium depleted water started with a delay of 5–10 hours. In 60% of mice with immunosuppressed immunity and transplanted human breast tumor MDA and MCF-7 consumption of deuterium depleted water caused tumor regression. A group of mice with transplanted human prostate tumor PC-3 consumed deuterium depleted water showed the increase in the survival rate by 40%; the ratio number of dividing cells in tumors of dead animals in experimental group was 1.5:3.0, and in control group – 3.6:1.0 [30]. In this regard special attention deserves two indicators: the delay of metastasis and loss of animal’s weight during experiments. Stimulating action of deuterium depleted water on the immune system of animals has led to delay of development of metastasis by 40% in comparison with the control group, and weight loss in animals that consumed deuterium depleted water at the end of the experiment was 2 times less. It was also reported that deuterium depleted water may delay the progression of prostate cancer [31] and inhibit human lung European Reviews of Chemical Research, 2015, Vol.(3), Is. 135

carcinoma cell growth by apoptosis [32] – the programmed cell death, resulting in fragmentation of the cell into separate apoptotic bodies bounded by the plasma membrane. Preliminary experimental results on motility of human sperm [33], indicated that in DDW (4 ppm) spermatozoa longer retain their functional activity, and it increases with a decrease in the deuterium content of water, whereas the sperm motility is by 40% higher for 5 hours after registration. However, the effect depends on initial properties of a sperm sample. These data indicated that deuterium content variation in water including deep deuterium depletion produces various non-linear isotopic effects on key processes in the cell: enzyme action of Na, K-ATPase, regeneration, motility, fertilizing effectiveness and embryo developing. It should be noted that for any deuterium concentration dependence there should be an optimal condition for the best result. One prominent effect of deuterium depletion is the inhibition of fatty acids as well as the synthesis, chain elongation and desaturation. These anabolic reactions utilize acetyl-CoA, as well as hydrogen of water for new fatty acid biosynthesis [34]. Fatty acids then are used for new membrane formation in the rapidly proliferating cell. The complex structure and molecular organization of the mammalian fatty acid synthase (EC 2.3.1) offer remarkable opportunities with altered morphology and flux handling properties.

The positive influence of drinking deuterium depleted water on blood chemistry included a significant reduction of glucose, cholesterol, erythrocyte sedimentation rates, leukocyte counts and cortisol (stress hormone) levels, while also revealed an increase in antioxidant capacities [35– 37]. These data evidence the significance of deuterium depleted water to increase energy resources even in a healthy cohort, This mouse was alive at the time of Jesuswhile decreasing risks of psycho-emotional stress, which is known to pose a negative influence on blood biochemistries that often lead to psychosomatic diseases and shorten life. It was also noted the positive impact of water on indicators of saturation the liver tissue by oxygen: the observed increase in pO2 was 15%, i.e., cell respiration increased 1,3 times [38]. On beneficial effect on health of experimental mice evidenced the increased resistance and weight increase compared with the control group.

The main impact of DDW on organism is explained by a gradual reduction of deuterium content in physiological fluids due to the reactions of isotopic (H–D) exchange: D2O + H2O = 2HDO. It was recorded the change in the isotopic composition of urine and Ca2+ content as well. Thus, the regular consumption of DDW provides a natural way to reduce the deuterium content in the human body to a value of 110 ppm.

Clinical trials of DDW with a residual content of deuterium 60–100 ppm, showed [39] that it can be recommended as an adjunct in the treatment of patients having metabolic syndrome (hypertension, obesity, impaired glucose metabolism) and diabetes. In addition DDW improves the quality of life for patients having renal stone disease (nephrolithiasis) and various disorders in the gastrointestinal tract (colitis and gastritis), cleanses the body of toxins, enhances the action of drugs and promotes weight correction. DDW can be recommended for fast and deep cleaning of the human body from deuterium that is essential for metabolic disturbances. Taking into consideration the dynamics of the distribution of water in the human body, the reaction of isotopic (H/D and 16O/18O) exchange and the results obtained with DDW, it can be expected that the greatest effect the isotopic purification of water will have on the regulatory system and metabolism.

The total effects of DDW depend on total body mass, total mass of intracellular water, the amount of daily consumption of DDW and the degree of its isotope purification [40]. The results on the calculation of gradual increasing of deuterium content in the human body at regular consumption of DDW with varied residual deuterium content are shown in Table 5. These results demonstrate that the content of deuterium in the human body decreases while consuming DDW. Thus, at the consumption of water with a residual deuterium content of 60 ppm deuterium content in the body decreases after 45 days to 117,3 ppm, and at the consumption of water with a residual content of deuterium 100 ppm – to 131 ppm at 1 liter of water consumption per a day, to 122,6 ppm at water consumption of 1,5 liters of water a day. Hence, the regular taking of DDW provides a natural way to reduce the content of HDO in the human body to a value of 117 ppm.


Also see link: Peer reviewed studies on Deuterium-depleted water: 

edit: New "Deuterium depleted water" appears on the market.  Price is prohibitively exorbitant, intended mostly for cancer patients.  Removing deuterium remains a highly technical molecular process, unaffected by conventional water filters so forget home production for a few decades.


Wed, 03/01/2017 - 22:39


The FDA approved drug rapamycin increases lifespan in rodents and delays age-related dysfunction in rodents and humans. Nevertheless, important questions remain regarding the optimal dose, duration, and mechanisms of action in the context of healthy aging. Here we show that 3 months of rapamycin treatment is sufficient to increase life expectancy by up to 60% and improve measures of healthspan in middle-aged mice. This transient treatment is also associated with a remodeling of the microbiome, including dramatically increased prevalence of segmented filamentous bacteria in the small intestine. We also define a dose in female mice that does not extend lifespan, but is associated with a striking shift in cancer prevalence toward aggressive hematopoietic cancers and away from non-hematopoietic malignancies. These data suggest that a short-term rapamycin treatment late in life has persistent effects that can robustly delay aging, influence cancer prevalence, and modulate the microbiome.

Thu, 08/25/2016 - 15:43

In what has become a convention tradition for the GOP, Norad said they were tracking rocket propelled elephant dung.  The dung, launched from a private site in California, is tracked in orbit during the GOP convention and returns to earth on the nominating night of the convention as the candidate is being coronated.  

Norad said the rocketized dung was last tracked over North Dakota at over 800 miles per hour.  If all goes according to plan, it will reenter the atmosphere over Cleveland Friday night burning up as it enters the atmosphere and very likely RNC Cleveland 2016not causing anyone or anything serious damage.  

The tradition was said to have been started during the 1984 presidential election by Reagan and his surrogates.  As the space race still roared strong, the legend goes Reagan had the idea of launching a symbol of the Republican party into the atmosphere.  George Bush Sr. quipped a carton of elephant dung would be appropriate and the joke grew legs and with the help of Lockheed Martin and a related trillion dollar defense contract a tradition was born.  

Here in Cleveland on this balmy night excited onlookers joked and jostled from the streets in anticipation of the nomination of Donald James "Tricky Eyes" Trump, and anticipation of the elephant feces raining down from heaven.  Some onlookers suggested the symbolism was especially poignant this year considering Trump's relatively non-specific platform and the consensus that his presidency almost certainly would not do the country any serious lasting damage.  The sense of risk correlates of course with the tragedy of 1992 when the fecal rocket was scheduled to decend over the convention hall in Houston Texas but instead failed to separate, hitting the ground as a fireball and burning down an orphanage outside of Tuscon Arizona.  


Wed, 07/20/2016 - 17:56
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